Wednesday, January 5, 2011

A Journey....

Welcome to the Newest Year in your life! Can you believe it is 2011? I remember a time when I couldn't fathom the year 2000! So, I am excited because I am on a journey....this year is my personal walk into developing me as a person.

I have lived my entire life with the weight of my weight and my looks on my shoulders. I have never believed myself to be beautiful or even pretty. I have allowed myself to be tainted by the insecurities of mind was morphed into believing that I would never be as beautiful as others...others I will not name. I didn't think I was ugly until I was in eighth grade...I was the girl who was athletic and had no curves and the boys made sure I knew I wasn't curvy or really pretty. I remember a conversation with a male classmate where I was told I was missing two of the 3 B's....Breasts and a Booty, I had the Brains...maybe too brainy even. My life slowly spiraled out of control on the inside...on the outside, no one knew my pain and anger.

I was angry because I would never be pretty...I had resigned myself to become the ugly girl. Now, I didn't act out or start wearing all black but I picked myself apart..and I still do. If you thought I was even remotely pretty, I'd say "Thank you" and never even thought about it again.

This is my time to heal me....I am going on an Eat Pray Love journey minus the 'round the globe part and the divorce part to discover me. I need to rebuild this fragile portion of myself...the part that yearns for the beautiful swan to one day emerge. The part that thinks the mirror should've never been invented.

I am ready...I am ready for a love of self that transcends words. I want to feel it without thinking...and so it begins....